Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
