Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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