I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
