When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just high enough for therapy.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
