well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
