I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
This house was built for laser tag.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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