Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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