It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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