she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I think I sprained my soul last night
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
