Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
