i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
