I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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