I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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