i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He did a backflip because drugs
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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