i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
