Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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