I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
