even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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