Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
