I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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