so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
