Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
