If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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