Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she peed on how many people?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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