I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
