My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
