I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
