i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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