Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
