I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize