Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
