I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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