I'm lost and stupid without you.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
