I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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