grandma shit on top of the toilet
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
