If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
