Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
