And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
