I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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