Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
