I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Randomize
