capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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