I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
did i walk over a car last night?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
