having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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