dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
