New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
