I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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