1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
