My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
