Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
