I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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